NOTE TO SELF:
Don't leave such long gaps between posts as you end up having to write completely unwieldy posts that people will rarely read.
My boss has quite a way with words.
A couple of weeks ago we had a chat at the start of the day where he talked about the need to come up with some support for me at work. We need this as he only certainty is that "my next relapse is in the post" and the only certainty is that there will be "an increase in disability".
In discussions on Twitter I came to accept that, although he was correct in this, it wasn't really his place to say it. Especially not at the start of the day.
I'm certainly going to be bringing this up at the Working with MS conference this weekend.
Ironically this conversation was on the morning of my first session proper of CBT.
I do think this is going to be really useful. But my main focus recently has been my toilet issues. So we've been talking about that stuff.
My therapist pointed out that I've had ONE accident, against THOUSANDS of trips out of the house. But despite that I've been letting my fears get the better of me, even stopping me taking Evie out!
As she pointed out, the benefits outweigh the possible outcomes, which are statistically unlikely. Not rocket science, and not anything that members of my family haven't said many times before.
But sometimes you need to hear things from someone who isn't personally involved.
I took that little gem with me on holiday the following week. We just went away in this country with my mum and dad, my brother and his two boys.
Now. Parenthood is tiring, obviously. But holidaying with three children all under the age of eight is seriously fricking exhausting.
On the second day, the family all went to the beach, but I felt my old problem rising so I stayed at the house. I was so pissed off and I beat myself up for a few minutes.
Then I thought, the benefits outweigh the possible unlikely consequences.
So I went to the beach on my own and walked along the beach hand in hand with my baby girl. Literally baby steps, but it's a start.
The picture attached to this post shows who I'm doing all of this for
So I finally got an appointment with a urologist this week!
(I swear I don't like talking about pee problems all the time but we're getting to the end I promise)
To see what we're dealing with, she wanted to take a scan of my bladder after I'd 'been'. And although I felt as if I needed to go again, she said that I was completely empty.
So the problem is totally in my head.
Bladder Retraining Programme, here I come!