Work nonsense is ongoing.
Anyway, it's too depressing (and frankly embarrassing) to go into, so let's get POSITIVE.
- One positive outcome of the Occupational Health visit was the assessor's recommendation that I look into doing regular Meditation. As is the modern way, I downloaded an app for my phone, and I'm not going to pretend that I use it every single day but I know that when I do I find it incredibly helpful - just to stop, switch my brain off and do nothing for a few minutes.
- Little Ms. Domino has finished her first year at school and had an end-of-year report which to be frank made me sob. She's such a smart cookie and we're so proud. No doubt she can be a massive pain in the arse but we're so lucky in so many ways (for instance, she can also be super-considerate about Daddy's walking). Love her.
- Five years after we last played there, Frankie Machine has been asked back to play at the Indietracks Festival this coming weekend. As before we've been rehearsing, and being a bit of a lapsed musician has been challenging (am I a Relapsing and Remitting musician?) but I'm having a blast. My callouses are coming back nicely too (see photo below for evidence). I'm pushing for us to have more regular rehearsals in the future so it will give me some impetus to 'keep my hand in'. But I really am loving it. Although this year we are playing on a (moving) train - you'll be pleased to know that I have requested a chair.
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| they might look GROSS but those manky bits on my fingertips are a GOOD THING |
- Next month is mine and Mrs D's TENTH Wedding Anniversary. What a long strange trip it has been. As I've mentioned before, we got married in Venice at the height of Summer. We have always intended to go back for our 10th anniversary but we've decided to look at going when the temperature is less oppressive - it's frustrating (to admit defeat to MS) but we'd rather play safe than spend a load of money on a potentially depressing couple of days with me sweating and limping (best case scenario!!) through the crowds. The plan now is to go back at some time next Spring.
- We went to see The BFG movie at the weekend. It was a good film, a bit sickly-sweet in places (Spielberg) but some good funny bits too. My favourite bit of the film, however, was before the main feature. Our local cinema has a very funky ad ident which is obviously a 21st century version of the classic Pearl & Dean ad - loads of Latin percussion and Jazz Flute, it's fabulous. Anyway this started and Mrs D began to intensively mime playing the flute - apparently this is something she does whenever she goes to this cinema with Little Ms D, who normally takes on the role of percussion. For some reason she wouldn't do it on this occasion so we just clicked our fingers (strictly on 2 and 4) and laughed our asses off at Mum, who was going TO TOWN. This was absolutely my favourite part of the whole weekend - I really love my family.
Hi, knowing nothing about the context and complexities of your job, I beg to differ that you're shit at it.
ReplyDeleteA tsunami of assessments, meetings, written warnings, perceived eye rolling and teeth sucking can undermine anyone's confidence. Dare I suggest that's the whole point? There may be an insidious campaign which is out to get you, and you're not paranoid. Surely in that organisation there must have been times when even the bosses/managers have not performed as expected or there's been a sin of omission or hello, things have gone wrong? And which has had nothing to do with you. Plus, unless you have no team members, snafus are usually due to 'weaknesses' at several places in the chain.
So yeah meditation, CBT whatever helps. But you must find some type of relaxation that works for you. And do it frequently and regularly so you can take stock of situations calmly. It's like working out at the gym, without the wipedowns! Like most people, the added stress of e.g.mortgage payments, unexpected expenses aka growing child puts even more pressure on you. And at last, the gem MS. Which makes you tired more easily (I can attest to dragging round a heavy leg, 20 spoons anyone?), panicky that because you have MS you're not concentrating (usually the opposite) and wondering whether everyone thinks they're carrying you because you have….
Work out exactly what works for you, because unless that's right the organisation won't get the best out of you. Working from home on specified days? Not working at home when you're not at work, i.e. finish it there or leave it till the next day? Maybe coming in 30 minutes earlier to relax before the babble and leaving earlier? Write down your ideal job plan and present it to your bosses. Argue with the Occupational Health people if need be. Hate to say this, but I will, if you're not well stay at home until you can work as normal. I understand that may not be as easy in a small organisation. But people with any chronic problem go into guilt mode the moment they have a twinge 'of the old trouble', even when they know they can't function effectively.
Good luck! If the organisation has any brains, they'd be crazy not to accommodate you.
thank you for this amazing and thoughtful comment - the bit about guilt and paranoia really chimed with me - i even talked about 'MS-related heightened levels of paranoia' leading to me over-stretching myself in recent capability assessment meeting.
ReplyDeleteTBH i know deep down the truth in what you say, it can just be tricky to see it clearly when you're stuck in a 'tsunami of assessments'.
thanks again for your comment, it really is very much appreciated!
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In stark contrast to Honeysuckle, I have little of value to add. But! It's great to hear you are on board (see what I did there? Playing on a train? On BOARD?) for a gig with the band! My husband plays guitar, which is why I'm so comfortable with words like "GIG," incidentally.
ReplyDeleteWhen I met my husband, I thought it would be fun to learn guitar, so I took lessons for several embarrassing months. During my final lesson, I was plucking at mostly the wrong the strings in ultra slow motion (the song, I recall vividly, was "Let It Ride" by Bachman Turner Overdrive, which I had asked the teacher to show me the week prior). I glanced up at the beleaguered instructor to apologize for the 5th time for not having practiced (AGAIN), and he looked so pained/annoyed/bored that I stopped taking lessons that day.
The point of that long, tedious story is, believe it or not, a roundabout way to compliment you for STICKING WITH IT and, now, continuing to GIG (see here how I used "gig" as a verb?). My husband finds it really good therapy. Hope you had a great time!