As part of my drive to get STUFF SORTED OUT, I recently had an MRI scan. This is my first since the one which led to my diagnosis 10 years ago. That experience has loomed large in my head ever since - probably (definitely?) in an exaggerated format...
FOR EXAMPLE: When I think about that, the MRI is like something from 1960s Russia - a darkened room with a window onto a control room with two faceless white lab-coated technicians in it. The MRI itself is a dark, airless metal tube.
I know full well that my memory is employing an amount of artistic license...
This time, the room was filled with natural daylight - the machine itself pumped a good amount of fresh air into my face. The (bloody lovely) technicians offered me a choice of radio stations so I plumped for the Radcliffe and Maconie show on BBC 6 Music - their trademarked brand of whiffle and banter was the perfect soundtrack to what was actually a pleasant experience.
I think it helped that also waiting for an MRI was a no-more-than-three-year-old child - he didn't really know what was going on but the look of fear on his mother's face convinced me to MAN THE F**K UP. I've thought about him often since this happened.
So now I wait for my annual MS MOT which takes place next week where we'll discuss what happens next as far as Disease Modifying Therapies are concerned.
I'll be honest, I'm feeling a LOT of THE FEAR.
Are the problems with my walking (which has really degenerated a terrifying amount)...:
- Related to my age?
- Because I've not been doing any regular walking to speak of? (a correlation to the "Use It Or Lose It" argument which I've used in the past)
- Because I've transitioned into a re-diagnosis of Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis?
But... but... but... see my third point above.
A new symptom (Neuropathic Pain - in my case a feeling like there's burning hot ash somewhere under the skin on my back) is also cause for concern, coupled with the fact that I haven't had a relapse for 3-or-so years.
And here I was thinking this was a good thing.
But, y'know, heat intolerance and suchlike.