the blogger’s conundrum

What to write when there isn't much going on?

This time last July I had only just returned home from my parents' house, after a second relapse and second dose of steroids. I was just about to begin Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions as well as recommencing physiotherapy. Plus I'd just had my first PIP assessment.

Quite a lot has happened since then!

• CBT was fantastic. I never did put myself in for another round but I don't think there’ll come a time when I won't need to keep working on my mental game. Still many improvements to be made! Mostly to do with the way I handle (or don't) stressful situations. 
• I started on Tysabri, one of the more intensive MS treatment options. I started writing this during my 11th infusion. I've also had bloods taken for a further JC Virus test. As I mentioned previously, because I recently tested slightly positive I'll always be considered positive now, even though the score can go up and down. 
• And because of this I've got another MRI coming up soon. My last one showed no physical signs of Progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy (PML). Which is something. I'd hate to die because of something which I can't even say...
• I'm still keeping on with my physio - the improvements are incremental but enough to keep me going. 
• We've been to Philadelphia! Still seems utterly surreal. 
• We defeated the evil PIP monster. Not to sound overly triumphalist but I am proud - of my family and, yes, me too. That we didn't give up. 

I'm still trying to find work that I can do - or want to do. That's the big challenge now!

This isn't work but it's nice to have been nominated, regardless - if you should feel so inclined, please click on the image below to endorse this little blog.

the locus of control

My current round of physiotherapy is (I think) my fourth stint. Each time I've been signed off previously, I've been full of good intentions. And I've always ended up back there when my walking has worsened, doing the same (or similar) exercises all over again.

So, as I went to my penultimate session at Neurology Outpatient Therapy Services last week, I was feeling all kinds of separation anxiety.

I ended up talking about this with my Physio, who, because some people aren't quite so keen on sharing every aspect of their life online (weird, I know), I'll call H.R. I'd been feeling pretty low - I'd been ill and although I'd been maintaining my exercises I felt that my walking had gone down the pan.

She listened to my bellyaching and started talking about the Locus of Control:

A person with an internal locus of control believes that he or she can influence events and their outcomes, while someone with an external locus of control blames outside forces for everything. This concept was brought to light in the 1950's by Julian Rotter.
from the Encyclopedia of Psychology

She said that her role as a physio was simply to give me the tools to keep well. It's like when you pass your driving test, you don't need a driving instructor with you all the time, you just need to keep driving. All the progress I'd made over the last months was down to me - it wasn't down to her, I had done all the heavy lifting.

And I guess it's true - although it feels like we've been in the trenches together, in actual fact I've seen her no more than 10 times (my relapse meant there was a hell of a gap in the middle).

After we had talked, I did some exercises and she watched me walking. And she said that I was moving better than I had been at any point since I'd started seeing her.

So this week I have my last session with H.R. And it feels precarious. So I need to remember that I'm the only one who has the ultimate influence on my ability to be well.

This has been the most traumatic summer of my life. And due to how amazingly supportive she has been, our physiotherapy sessions have at times been heavy on the Therapy, light on the Physio.

[interestingly my therapy session this week was more like Careers Advice, but that's another story]

So I have a job to carry on.

But I'm sorry, H.R.

Regardless of what you say, you are an absolute rock star. Thank you.

Much love,


A Grateful Patient

PS I'll always try keep your inspiring words close to my heart:

Shoulders back
Squeeze the tummy muscles
Lift your bottom

i wanna be back in your life

Too long between updates! Let's get this started.  

1
We sent a request for the DWP to reconsider my application for PIP. And obviously they ignored all the points we raised, kept my score exactly the same and turned me down.

We met with our Unemployed Workers contact and talked about taking this to a tribunal but, like I said previously, all the things that have happened since January (when I first applied) won't count. So I'm going to make a fresh application which includes everything. Which will be fun.  

2
I got a note from the MS Nurses which says that my recent MRI showed significant increase of lesions. Honestly, the horrible stuff which comes through our door - I feel like our letterbox needs a quarantine section. Even better, this particular letter had the wrong address on the envelope so it ended up with some neighbours. Which wouldn't be the end of the world if their letterbox hadn't ripped the envelope open. Awkward.

I've been DMT-less for a couple of weeks as I get Tecfidera out of my system ahead of my first Tysabri infusion next Friday. The first appointment is a bit longer as I need the be "consented" - the kind of phrase which just makes you feel all warm inside, right? Yeesh.

Unhelpful bellyaching aside, it will be good to get started. Fingers crossed.

3
Physio is going really well, my swimming is coming on, and CBT therapy is so helpful. Why people aren't recommended to start this on diagnosis (for any chronic illness, not just MS) I have no idea. Having said that…

I had a job interview the other week, my first for a LONG time. The people who interviewed me said that it was really close between me and two other candidates. Which isn't as comforting as they think, but at least I wasn't miles away.

But I was unsuccessful and - to be frank - I totally lost my shit when I found out.

After a couple of really unhelpful rants (apologies and a tip of the hat to Mrs D and Jackie Z) a couple of things turned me 'round.

Firstly, Mrs D pointed out that a couple of months earlier I wouldn't have been able to get it together to put in an application, let alone one which got me an interview. I also wouldn't have been able to prepare a presentation, get myself suited and booted, or do a good interview.

(I must say that, without the ongoing support of Mrs D, there's no way I'd have got anywhere near the interview. I'm a lucky chap.)

Secondly, Little Miss D came back from school the same day with a certificate for being Pupil of the Week. What a legend.

learn from my PIP mistakes!

AKA Everybody Has Been Burned Before 

Although it has been a while since I published anything I've got loads of fragments on my phone, bits of wrting for here and / or multiplesclerosis.net. Blogs about sleep and the lack thereof. The soothing sounds of BBC Radio 4 when all you have to do is sit around and try to slowly get better. But then real life gets in the way and the moment is gone.

To be honest it has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster (to put it mildly) and some of what I've written seemed a bit facetious in retrospect. But no harm no foul.

In brief:

1. I've had a few visits from a community Occupational Therapist and it has been brilliant to get a bit of movement going. This relapse and my recovery has been a harder slog than previously but every day in every way, yaddah- yaddah-yaddah.
2. I've started therapy, which has been great. The hardest thing about this relapse has been the way it has affected the family (Mrs D, in particular) so to have a space where I can just sound off without having to filter my thoughts or worry about how the other person will take it is immensely freeing.
3. I got the results from my JC Virus blood test and it came back negative, so I'll soon be stopping taking Tecfidera. After a period of "flushing out" the last doses, I'll be straight onto Tysabri - as long as my MRI doesn't come back with any surprises, I guess. The MRI itself was uneventful enough, although it was as much of a hardcore perspective-provider as my last one. When I came out this time my mum was talking to lady who I assumed was pregnant and was waiting for a loved one. It turned out that she was having an MRI to see if the huge tumour in what was left of her bowel (she'd already had half removed) was operable or not. Like a great man once said, too much fcuking perspective.

So that's it. Apart from...

Despite having been on Disability Living Allowance for the best part of a decade due to having a CHRONIC DISABLING HEALTH CONDITION, plus the fact that I was knee-deep in relapse when I was assessed, my application for PIP was turned down.

We found this out at the end of July and we're now over our first reaction (which was basically apoplectic rage leading to depression).

Here are a few things we've learnt:

• The assessment is only based on the information you include on your form. So in our case all the stuff which has come on since then - relapse, adaptations around the house, physio and CBT therapy, worsening mobility - can't be included retrospectively (FYI my application was submitted in January, the assessment was in July). And if I'd got in touch to let them know about the developments, the DWP would probably have asked me to submit a new claim. So the system is broken at best, at worst very much rigged against disabled people - especially people with an unpredictable disease pathway.
• We've been talking to a family friend who works at our local Unemployed Workers Centre - see https://www.tuc.org.uk/sites/default/files/UWCDirectory.pdf to find your nearest option (or contact Citizens Advice, MS Society, MS Nurses, anyone!). Ours has a lot of experience in overturning PIP decisions on appeal but he said that, based on the form I submitted, there was no reason I should have been turned down. So we've formally requested they reconsider their decision based on a number of points in their assesment which were incorrectly scored. 
• If this fails we'll consider taking it to an independent tribunal with advice from the UWC. Or I'll reapply, including all of the recent developments. 

A final word of caution based on our experiences. If you're at the start of your PIP application process, even if you've been receiving DLA for a number of years (as I had), get some help in filling out your form (see the list above as a starter).

Although he said that I should have been successful, our advisor could see that the way I'd worded some of my application might've been open to misinterpretation.

As it seems to have been.

suffering jukebox

I haven't had the energy to update since the recent flurry of activity. Even now, a week and a half after my last dose of steroids, I haven't been able to sleep through the night. It seems to be that I go straight to sleep, then an hour later I need to go to the bathroom. Then I sleep for another 3-4 hours before I need to get up again. It's very frustrating.

And this just in from our TMI desk - I'm worried that I might be in danger of developing a Urinary Tract Infection. As Fergie would have it, Glamorous.

Which is why I started writing this post this morning in the sun, drinking as much water as possible.

More positively, the adaptations we organised around the house were fitted a couple of days ago.

• An extra banister on our stairs
• Rails on a wall on the landing
• Grab bars and a (non-permanent) seat in the shower, with a further grab bar by the toilet
• Something under the mattress which gives me a metal bar to hold onto when I get in and out of the bed (it could also prevent me from falling out!)
• A raised toilet seat

We also had an extra frame for the downstairs loo which we discovered too late doesn't allow us to close the door. So that's going to be swapped for another raised seat.

All of these things have made a tremendous difference - I was able to easily get around the whole house yesterday. Maybe that's why I'm so tired today? The old steroid side-effect of feeling too good and pushing yourself too far too soon?

The OT who came over last week is also arranging for me to have some physio at home, which will be good. She's also arranged with the Neurology Outpatients Therapy Services (where I normally go for physio) for an appointment with a Speech and Language Therapist - I've had a couple of instances where I've almost choked on food and drink, and this is apparently another potential problem with MS. It really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it?!

Mentally I feel I'm doing OK, despite being a bit snappy. But because my mobility is still a bit dodgy I've postponed my CBT until the week after next.

Next week I've got a neuro appointment when I'll give him some feedback about the two different steroid doses (5-days good, 3-days SO bad). And in a couple of weeks I have another MRI, and depending on the outcome we might be looking at trying different medication.

The worst-case scenario hanging over my head? A rebadging from Relapsing and Remitting MS to Secondary Progressive.

I know there's no point in worrying about the future, and this is how most people's MS progresses. But still.

-

Like another recent blog post, the title for this one came from a song by Silver Jews, a favourite band of mine. Enjoy.

steroids days 2 & 3: night-time stress, muted positivity and a PIP-related question

As previously stated, on Day 2 I woke up fine after a good chunk of sleep. Otherwise nothing much to report apart from I had a visit from Mrs and Little Ms D which was absolutely lovely. They were pleased with how well I was doing. Truth be told my legs didn't feel quite so switched on - nowhere near as bad as they were pre-steroids, but not quite as non-shuffling. Might just have been our perception? Or even just the flappy slippers I was wearing?

Sleep was hard to come by because STEROIDS but also because I had a few thoughts rattling my noggin (which I couldn't do a damn thing about at 4am):

• My parents had to cancel a holiday to look after me this week - they only had to pay for flights but still. They rescheduled them to this coming Monday which is the day after I finish this round of steroids. When I finished last week's heavy-duty steroids that obviously led to a rapid two-day decline and immobility. So obviously I was freaking out about that. Until I spoke to them and they said that of course they weren't going (see 4am above)
• My wife has had to take the last week off work due to stress (OBVIOUSLY) so I'm worried about her. Her mum and dad live really close (like, across the road) and I think it did her good to see me up and about yesterday. But still - I worry.
• I have a PIP assessment (at home) next week today. Yes, this could be - ironically - the perfect time to have this visit and Mrs D will be in attendance too. But just how much stress can we take? Furthermore - and here's the question for YOU - how should we prepare?

I've already done a bit of light exercise today - just a walk around the garden as it's the first day that it hasn't been raining (I always hated Thomas Hardy's use of Pathetic Fallacy, so this has been particularly annoying). I'm keeping on with regular physio exercises as I arranged yesterday to have an open appointment until we have a better idea of what things will look like next week). The wider plan is to spend a bit less time being totally static (although my dad and I have come late to the party and are binge-watching Game of Thrones).

Here's some good news:

• After nine months of applying, chasing, mis-communication and MORE chasing, earlier today Mrs D sent me pictures of markings for a disabled parking bay outside our house. The street we live on is busy (plus points: I learnt to be a Parallel Parking JEDI while I was wooing Mrs D) but is also the closest street to the City Centre which doesn't have a residents-only parking scheme. Leaving the house can be incredibly frustrating. People will do circuits in order to find a space and then park really, REALLY badly - one car (owned by someone who walks into town to work or shop) taking up a space which could easily house three is a regular thing. This is going to really help.
• I've spent a bit of time on the phone to my GP about getting the Community Occupational Therapy team out to do an emergency assessment of our house and make some recommendations about possible adaptations - something which the MS Nurse spoke to us about on Tuesday. I've just got off the phone to them, they're coming out next week, which is great. Hopefully I'll be in a position to not need them soon but at least they'll be in place for the (wearyingly inevitable) next time.
• As I mentioned in a comment to the last blog, I start therapy in a week or so which will be good for me.

As well as GOT (Grade-A NONSENSE but entertaining enough) I've been listening to the S-Town podcast - something I've had lined up for ages but still, late to the party again. It's bloody brilliant and incredibly moving - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

If you've read this far, don't forget to give any advice about preparing for our PIP assessment! Thanks.

steroids day 1: the drugs do (appear to be) work(ing)

thank you, friend

After a fairly dispiriting night (business as usual - totally immobile, unable to get out of bed without assistance, plus a couple of 'accidents' - nice), I woke up at my parents' house to find that not only could I still not get out of bed, but i was also unable to hold a drink or feed myself. My dad had to feed me breakfast and count all the bits of medication I would be taking, including my first day of this second round of steroids.

As I took the first one, I remember focusing all my strength on thinking "This WILL work".

I just chilled out in my room for about an hour (I say chilled out, I watched an episode of 24). And then I stood up and walked across to the bathroom.

As I type this (and the very idea of that would have been laughable yesterday), it sounds ridiculous. But I swear it happened like that, it was that rapid.

For the rest of the day, things continued to improve, I was able to look after myself without assistance and also do some regular physio exercises. Perhaps most surprisingly, after settling in bed with a few podcasts to listen to as the steroids put the kibosh on any idea of sleep, I nodded off within five minutes. I woke up earlier than normal but it was a good chunk of kip. And my legs and hands were still working when I got out of bed.

I'm not naturally the most positive of people (see blog title and ask my wife), but one thing I got from reading George Jelinek's Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis book was a section about the importance of Hope. Unfortunately I don't have the book with me otherwise I'd quote a bit of it but y'know those people that we've all seen at MS events who play Competitive Disability Bingo? Or people who talk down the achievements of people with MS who run marathons (Hi Swisslet) or climb mountains because they've ONLY got Relapsing Remitting MS, and anyway I've had it longer and you don't know how bad I've got it? I think they've given up hope.

And I think it has to be a conscious decision to abandon hope. I'm not saying this is going to help full-time wheelchair users rise up and win Ninja Warrior (or whatever) and it has to start with a good dose of Stoicism and an acceptance of what you're dealing with. But if the only thing you can hope for is that this is as good as it gets then that might be start.

I'm hoping that these steroids will help me get back to how I was before this relapse. And after that I hope to carry on getting a bit more control of my body and improve my fitness (I'm neither a marathon runner nor a mountain climber).

I had no idea that this blog post was going to end up so sappy when I started writing it, and I hope it doesn't come across as patronising or insulting to people who are dealing with worse situations than mine.

FULL DISCLOSURE: things were so bad yesterday morning that I was genuinely thinking of the best method to end it all. Sorry but it's true. My Dad displayed our family brand of gallows humour by saying that I wouldn't be able to hold a knife steady, and anyway I'm taking so many tablets that it wouldn't make a difference.

But I do think there must be something in the idea that having some kind of hope in medication and treatment - something with a basis which is tangible, scientific, provable - then it will be more likely to have a positive outcome. It's like when I was doing CBT all those years ago - a psychologist friend said that if people go into CBT expecting it not work for them, then it more than likely won't. I went expecting it to help and it did.

All I did yesterday was take a dose of steroids believing they would work. And they are.

FOOTNOTE
When we spoke to the Neuro on Tuesday, we talked about the OMS diet and asked him his opinion. A vegetarian, he said that his advice would always be to eat a balanced diet. He would also like to view the evidence for any diet, as he had seen patients who had gone down this kind of route while also spurning drugs. "And they always end up back here eventually."

So although I'll take other parts of the lifestyle - meditation (270 days unbroken), Vitamin D and Flaxseed oil supplements, Hope - I'm going pescetarian from now on. Less of a mental strain for everyone involved. If we're out and the Vegan option looks good I'll probably choose that over anything else. And I genuinely love some of the things I've been eating while following the diet.

But at least I'm not a Reducetarian - for fcuk's sake, this is an actual thing and we're surely in the End Days.

and then three come along all at once

In a manner similar to the proverbial bus, I've been waiting for ages for a number of specialist appointments and have now had three in the last couple of weeks.

1.  Wheelchair clinic
Because my old NHS wheelchair was a behemoth (code name Dreadnought or The Destroyer), I've been wanting to see if there was a different option that (a) would fit in our car more easily, (b) was a bit lighter, and (c) I could propel myself - because, y'know, INDEPENDENCE.

So I recently went for a wheelchair assessment. It turns out that, when you're 6'3", wheelchairs don't get all that light.

But my new one (which arrived earlier this week - God bless the NHS) does come apart easily so it should help. Plus the wheels seem to have some kind of coating on them which means it's easier for me to grip them and, hopefully, propel myself. RESULT.

Although (FULL DISCLOSURE) it is currently taking up the position vacated by my old wheelchair, in a cupboard under the stairs. Baby steps, yeah?

2. Physiotherapy
Yep, I'm going round again - I think this is my fourth time, still working on strengthening my core and sorting my wonky legs. I've only had a couple of sessions so far (and one of those definitely had the emphasis on "Therapy" - God bless the NHS) but plenty of stuff to work on.

And if I can't find the time to do my exercises when I remain resolutely BETWEEN JOBS then there's no excuse.

3. Orthotics
I saw them a while ago (turns out it was seven years ago) when I was fitted with a delightful support stocking for my truculent westward pin. This appointment was a bit more challenging, as the person I saw said that my right leg is now as bad as lefty was previously (hence a new delightful stocking).

Westy has gone even further downhill so I've been given this monstrosity, called an Ankle Foot Othosis:

It's basically a really intense splint which fits inside my shoe and helps to give that much-needed kick. I have to wear it for an hour a day at first in order to get used to it - it's really exhausting and I'll need to inform the DVLA before I try to drive with it on but it DOES help. Bastard.

I'll be taking it to my next physio session as a challenge - "what can you do to keep me from wearing THIS?"

PS - this was given to me on the spot at no cost - God save the NHS.

third time's the charm

As part of #life_sortout_2015, I've also been having some Physiotherapy. This is the third time I've done it (to tackle pretty much the same issues) but each time the therapist has had a completely different approach.

Firstly the focus was combating foot drop and my draggy left foot. The next time we focused on increasing strength in (and control of) my left leg. This time the focus has been on increasing core strength.

I've mentioned previously that most adults (well, me at least) just tend to sleepwalk through the amazing machine which is the human body. I know I'm guilty of taking it for granted (see: third round of Physio).

But I'm starting to see how it all links together. If I can continue to work on my core then everything else should improve.

(I must admit that talking about "my core" just feels a bit weird but bear with me while I try to sound vaguely knowledgeable...)

At my last session on Friday, we were talking about how it all ties in and I realised that we were working on Fundamentals of movement, and my Physio said this was exactly right. I think it's these things that people can get lazy about and take for granted.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I began typing this on my phone while sat twisted round in a chair with my legs crossed...

I tend to have my sessions first thing in the morning. In that way I can avoid having to take too much extra time off work for appointments - as is probably apparent, I've had a lot over the last few months. This is a good way to wake up but can be pretty knackering.

I now just need to focus on trying to fit in doing some regular work on my own at home. I've tried to involve Little Miss Domino but she says my exercises [mostly breathing slowly, tensing muscles in my guts - FOUR levels! - and trying to control steady movements of my legs] are "boring".

And I guess they are for her (FYI her suggested Yoga poses mostly involve leaping around doing combative actions and/or breakdance freezes). But my next session should be the final one of this round so I need to make sure I keep working on it, boring or not.

Use it or lose it! YOLO!* and so on and so on and so on.

* I can't believe I used Y*L* on here - I'm so very sorry.

frustration

image from http://www.samstoybox.com/

I guess that I was expecting a bit too much from my annual MS MOT, which happened earlier this week. I've been trying to gently process my thoughts ever since.

In light of our conversation with the MS Nurse the other week, my MRI scan last month, my physio appointments, plus a visit from an occupational therapist.... I was hoping for some clear answers, a roadmap of next steps, maybe a change in medication.

But obviously we're talking about MS here - clear answers and a roadmap? Don't be silly.

First up - the Neurologist we saw was absolutely brilliant and answered our questions clearly and with great patience.

Unfortunately, he didn't have any results from my MRI, which was frustrating but can't be helped.

But without any hard evidence, he can only base his opinion on a few physical tests in his office and what we tell him has been going on. And this is where the problems begin.

My wife and I left his office with two completely opposing ideas about what we heard!

HER TAKE:
It sounds like Steve might be heading into a transitional phase between Relapsing & Remitting MS and Secondary Progressive MS - but without any evidence (which will come from the MRI) we can't know either way - everyone's MS journey is completely individual so let's hold off from making any changes to medication until we know a bit more about what's going on. It's not a done deal by any stretch of the imagination.

MY TAKE:
It sounds like Steve is heading into the transitional phase from Relapsing & Remitting MS and Secondary Progressive MS - so there's no point in making any changes to medication. It's probably a done deal but the MRI will tell us more about how F**KED you really are.

And there, distilled, is the essence of our marriage. I think we can all agree that she's a lucky lady.

So now we wait a bit more. The Neuropathic Pain I mentioned last time might ironically be the brightest spot on the horizon, at least indicating that my MS is active. What a crazy condition this is.

But more GENUINELY positive is my Physiotherapy.

It's bloody exhausting but the weekly noticeable improvements to my walking speed and stamina are really giving me the boot up my (lazy) arse which I apparently need.

pinch, punch, first of the month

This may turn into one of those posts which I start with no clear idea of the outcome. But rambling discursiveness is what you come here for, right?

As part of my drive to get STUFF SORTED OUT, I recently had an MRI scan. This is my first since the one which led to my diagnosis 10 years ago. That experience has loomed large in my head ever since - probably (definitely?) in an exaggerated format...

FOR EXAMPLE: When I think about that, the MRI is like something from 1960s Russia - a darkened room with a window onto a control room with two faceless white lab-coated technicians in it. The MRI itself is a dark, airless metal tube.

I know full well that my memory is employing an amount of artistic license...

This time, the room was filled with natural daylight - the machine itself pumped a good amount of fresh air into my face. The (bloody lovely) technicians offered me a choice of radio stations so I plumped for the Radcliffe and Maconie show on BBC 6 Music - their trademarked brand of whiffle and banter was the perfect soundtrack to what was actually a pleasant experience.

I think it helped that also waiting for an MRI was a no-more-than-three-year-old child - he didn't really know what was going on but the look of fear on his mother's face convinced me to MAN THE F**K UP. I've thought about him often since this happened.

So now I wait for my annual MS MOT which takes place next week where we'll discuss what happens next as far as Disease Modifying Therapies are concerned.

I'll be honest, I'm feeling a LOT of THE FEAR.

Are the problems with my walking (which has really degenerated a terrifying amount)...:

• Related to my age?
• Because I've not been doing any regular walking to speak of? (a correlation to the "Use It Or Lose It" argument which I've used in the past)

Or is it rather...

• Because I've transitioned into a re-diagnosis of Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis?

I've started another course of Physio which has shown me that I really have no core strength at all, which would imply that I can turn it around if I want to. And after my session earlier this week, my Physio commented that I was walking better, as did my boss when I returned to work. So this all gives me some hope (and no little motivation to stay focused).

But... but... but... see my third point above.

A new symptom (Neuropathic Pain - in my case a feeling like there's burning hot ash somewhere under the skin on my back) is also cause for concern, coupled with the fact that I haven't had a relapse for 3-or-so years.

And here I was thinking this was a good thing.

Speaking of good news (which we kind-of weren't), yesterday was the first time that I was permitted to wear shorts at work. I'm always more comfortable with my legs out but as a member of the Senior Management Team (and fully paid up member of the CULTURAL ELITE), such activities are frowned upon.

But, y'know, heat intolerance and suchlike.