Wednesday 29 March 2023

i feel (too?) good

Later today I go for a short appointment with the MS Nurses. Not a full MOT as far as I know, just a catch-up. 

Obviously this is the first face-to-face meeting with them since I was ill earlier this year. So it'll be interesting at least.

Weirdly, last night I finished the book I started reading towards the end of my stay at my parents house. It's a book about Kraftwerk that Mrs D got me for Christmas. It isn't particularly long - I just couldn't focus on reading for the first month, and there are always newspapers and magazines vying for my limited attention.

Image shows a book: Kraftwerk by Uwe Schütte
Kraftwerk by Uwe Schütte

Since I last wrote anything here I've been getting on okay. But I have been guilty of maybe feeling too good. For example, I'll often walk the length of our house without thinking. And then I'll realise that I don't have my walker or my sticks, and I'm now stranded at the wrong end of the house and I have no idea how I'm going to get back.

I've been out with friends and family a few times, and I've been playing guitar and working. On that, the fact that all of my podcasting clients were totally understanding is undoubtedly one of the best things from this whole situation. I'm so glad I've found a new and better way for me to work. 

I'm increasingly aware of how much my illness affected everyone around me. I can understand that they tried to keep their own struggles from me while I was recovering. But just in conversations with Mrs D, our friends, my parents, they'll say something that makes me stop. 

For example, Mrs and Little Ms D frequently shared a bed because neither could sleep. The way our friends rallied around them both and made sure they weren't alone. It's important to remember that I'm not going through this by myself. And I know that. 

But perhaps more importantly, I'm not the only one who was diagnosed with MS all those years ago. My friends and family were too, because it affects them everyday. Not to make me feel any more guilt than I feel already! Believe me there's enough of that. 

But I'm maybe more aware than ever before about the love that surrounds me, sometimes from unexpected places. I'm very grateful and blessed. 


The emotional nature of this post might have something to do with the music I'm currently listening to. While I was recovering, the only music I had with me was what was on my phone. Which consisted of our Christmas playlist and the one belonging to my daughter (which has a lot of very cool music on it, I have to say.) 

At one point I downloaded the Bandcamp app so I was able to listen to the albums I'd bought through the site. And I bought a new album. 

"Carvings" by Juni Habel is a collection of spectral folk (new genre alert!) from a Norwegian songwriter (two ticks for Steve's tick list) that was recorded in various rooms in her grandmother's house (recording backstory - BIG tick!)

It's utterly lovely - listen to it below.