Friday, 16 July 2021

loosely-coordinated drowning-avoidance... the return

Earlier this week I went swimming for the first time since February 2020. I think I bought a pass to get a discount. And then the world shut down. 

What with the end of the world as we knew it, adding to my fairly well-established suspicion of people, I wasn't exactly rushing to go there. So instead, I thought I'd wait until the week before BoJo's mass herd-immunity experiment and forthcoming reliance on "good old-fashioned British common sense" (see my earlier point about suspicion of people).

Smooth move, right?

Anyway, I got my bag organised the night before and pre-booked my slot. It was actually pretty good because by looking online I was able to work out which time was going to be the least busy.

So the next morning, I woke up, went to the bathroom FOUR TIMES and got myself down for my 8 am slot. And in a lot of ways, it was much more pleasant than before.

For a start, people are now asked to turn up with their swimwear under their clothes - you removed your outer layers by the side of the pool, so no one had to go into the changing rooms (and run the risk of coming face-to-face - or should that be face-to-arse / face-to-cock? - with some old exhibitionist's unmentionables).

The pool was also divided into three lanes, for fast, medium and slow swimmers. This meant that the lanes were a lot wider than the six I remember from the Before Time.

Some things never change, however. For a start, there was - as usual - some bloke who thought he was Michael Phelps bombing up and down the slow lane. And also, as before, I was the slowest swimmer in that lane.

But that was ok. I'm not going for speed - and I'm certainly not going for distance, particularly. A bad swim is still better than no swim, I've always been told. But one of the old guys in the slow lane asked me if I was ok after one of my first lengths, and then told me I was doing really well.

In the past that would've really wound me up. But this time? I just thought it was actually quite nice.

The day after my mother-in-law asked me if I'd enjoyed myself and did I feel better. "Well," I said, "they're two entirely separate questions."

Because I in no way enjoyed myself but I did feel better afterwards. 

I only hope I get a chance to return before everything shuts down again!


Yes, I know that it has been two months since I last wrote anything, and ordinarily, my first blog back would involve a lot of excuses and explanations. But that will be coming next time. Maybe.

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